Jokes Removed From
Jokes for the ESL/EFL Classroom
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These are jokes which were submitted, but have been removed.We felt that they were not generally useful in the ESL/EFL Classroom. We have left the jokes online, since they may be useful in certain teaching situations. If you feel we have removed a useful joke, please let us know.
Four jokes in English to ask Japanese people learning English;
Q: What blood group are lobster?
A: AB
(Ebi, [AB] is Japanese for lobster)
Q: A car is driving down the road. What colour is it?
A: Red
(Aka [a car] in Japanese means red)
Q: 500 cars leave Aomori driving south and 500 cars leave Tokyo driving north. Where do they meet?
A: Sendai
(Sendai is a Japanese city between Aomori and Tokyo and sendai means 1000 cars in Japanese)
Q: A girl gets into a lift (elevator). Does the lift go up or down?
A: Up
(In Japanese agaru [a girl] means to raise or go up.
Submitted by Phil from Perth, Australia
When a bank executive's family was watching TV one night after dinner, a few detectives rushed into their house. After reading him his miranda rights,they said to the bank executive,"We are arresting you on a charge of money laundring for a politican's slush fund."
At that monent, his five year old son sprang up and said,"Mom often does the money laundry, but not Dad. She often carelessly washes Dad's clothes with money in his pockets. Was she guilty because washing dirty money at home contaminates the river? So why are you arresting Dad?"
"Oh, boy! I promised to protect her from any perilous situations when I got married." said his father.
Submitted by Un-ju Han
Q: What do you call four men standing in quicksand?
A: Cuatro sink-o (cuatro, cinco)
Submitted by Kerry Easterday
A man wanted to enter in the police, It moved and he went directly in the wall !
Submitted by Césard Augusto Gonsalaise Samoraille Litarianno Poitras Bélanger Simard Demers...
Q. What do you call a dog with two legs missing?
A. A real drag.
Q. What do you call a dog with no legs at all?
A. You can call him anything you want but he still won't come.
Submitted by Kimberley R.
"Say Harold, are you awake? There's a burglar dowstairs!"
"No, I'm asleep!" H H H H H H H H
H H H ....
Submitted by Abu Abdulaziz (Kuwait)
A linguistics professor was lecturing to his class one day. "In English," he said, "a double negative forms a positive. In some languages though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However," he pointed out, "there is no language in which a double positive can form a negative."
A student in the back of the room says, "Yeah. Right."
What's green and red all over?
A frog in a blender.
What noise does a bee make flying backwards?
ZZUB ZZUB
Q How do you make a cat go 'WOOOF'??
A Cover it in petrol and light am a match 'WOOOOF'
Submitted by Morris Canterbury
Q: Why do men have some water in their head?
A: It's their little feminin side!
Submitted by Jeremy, QUEBEC
Q: What's purple,red and spins very fast?
A: Barney in a blender!
Submitted by Bobby Hill, TEXAS USA
Here's a reason to have good pronunciation!!
A bad-humored non-native English speaker decides to take a vacation in the USA. He goes into the hotel restaurant after arriving. After looking at the menu, he decides to take the pea soup as a starter. So, the waiter brings him the pea soup, but unfortunately, there are no peas in it, so he starts screaming at the waiter--"I wanna PEES in my soup!! " So, the waiter changes the soup for him. Later he orders his main dish, but unfortunately, the waiter forgets to bring him his fork, so he starts screaming "I wanna FOOOK on de table right now!!" So, upon finally finishing his meal, he goes to his room to recover from his tiresome journey. But he sees that there are no sheets on his bed, so he calls the reception and again screams "I've had enough of this counrty, I wanna SHHEET on my bed".
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